In That Moment

In

That moment

Growing up

I could control my tears. But I failed that day.

When I was 18 years old, there was a coming-of-age ceremony. It’s the first time I celebrated my birthday in such a grand manner. This is one of the few opportunities to walk from behind the screen to the front of the stage to celebrate my birthday with fans. I prepared for the coming-of-age ceremony for a long time. Dancing, martial arts, playing the guitar, singing. To be honest, none of them is so easy. Martial arts is okay, after all, I have been shooting scenes of fighting and killing since I was young, but dancing is really difficult. I may lack the cells in this area.

In the beginning. I always have the same hands and feet, and the limbs are not coordinated. The difficulty is not only the dance but also the control of the basketball. During the rehearsal. I thought: “Basketball, be good., don’t run around during the official performance!” Alas, but it didn’t listen to me in the end. I was calm on the surface and panicked in my heart.

I’m not very familiar with the mode of communicating with the camera on stage. The teacher personally demonstrated to me how to discharge the lens. I tried wink several times and it ended. I am grateful for my self-knowledge that I deleted this interactive emoji shot in time when my face twitched and it would become an emoticon package “made fun” by my friends.

Before the birthday party. I said I would rather have a tea party with my fans. Everyone would chat eat melon seeds or something. Of course, this plan was not unexpectedly rejected. Then I chose the song “Childhood” to satisfy my wish for a tea party. The melody of this song is soft and eloquent like telling a story telling the story of all of us, a little bit of growing up. I think I can sing pretty well. which is beyond my expectation, hahaha.

There is a hidden part of the coming-of-age ceremony. which was only revealed at the birthday party. It turned out that my script was different from the staff. Without my knowledge. I suddenly heard a letter from my mother. My mother has always been like a superman, taking me through the various crews, the cold winter and the hot summer, always the same. We have seen each other in the most embarrassing look, and then we support each other and continue to move forward. I usually get along with my mother, just like everyone else.

Sometimes I get noisy, sometimes I get nagged, and I rarely talk about the past or our experiences. Later, I heard that this recording was going to be deleted because my mother always recorded it and started crying. It was not until the day before the coming-of-age ceremony that a complete version was finally recorded. I understand her. Because that day, I couldn’t control my tears.

On the stage. I have been holding back emotions. After the smooth end, I went back to the lounge and hugged my mother and sister. I cried for a long time. Then my throat became hoarse and my mood gradually calmed down. I rarely lose control of my emotions, and this is the first outbreak since I am sensible. At that moment. I felt a stronger sense of ceremony than singing and dancing. In that second that moment. I grew up.

Translation credit to  @wuleiarchive